Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
