I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it hurts more in the daytime
It was confusing and full of hummus
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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