Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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