Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
