he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
