If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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