this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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