He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize