.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize