everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
how drunk are you?
Several
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
