And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
