The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
