If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
