I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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