the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
