She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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