Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
