What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
