Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
