my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Randomize
