And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
