Dual....:-)
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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