nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
