That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
