i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize