3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
