dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
