Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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