Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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