Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
