I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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