Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize