remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
