It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
