I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
