If i come over, it means nothing
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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