and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
