is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
