I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Four minutes until I can fart!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize