The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
