My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
