This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize