i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
