What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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