Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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