now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
