I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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