It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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