How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
