yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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