if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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