When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
