So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
