Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
