Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
