You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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