look no pants
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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