So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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