community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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