he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
