im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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