There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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