Screwed.edu
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
