It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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